Assertiveness is a vital skill necessary for your survival and thriving as a human person. People are always seeking ways to manipulate or exploit others, either intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes it comes through simple requests from well meaning colleagues, friends, relatives, or through commands or instructions from positioned leaders in our lives or intimate circle.
There is a need to learn to say NO, without appearing rebellious, or being opposed to team play. You will not have to say No all the time, but those few times you say NO, make sure you say it, mean it, stand by it, and act on it. This not only builds respect from others , it also boosts your confidence in yourself to be able to communicate a difficult information, without compromising on the content. Regardless of the resistance, questions or tantrums shown by the recipient.
I have come to realize that you cannot say yes to everyone or everything, all of the time otherwise, you will lose your self. The importance of assertiveness cannot be overemphasized; it builds self worth, it helps time management, self management, relationship management, effective communication, self efficacy, just to mention a few.
As parents, we need to teach our children or custodians the need to say no without feeling guilty, and the need to respect when others say NO. Watching a group of children play, I see that in spite of their very tender ages, there are some kids who due to their extroverted natures and possible influence from controlling adults, have also learnt to manipulate others. I have heard things like “i don’t want to play this game, i prefer this”. Then the other kid, says ” if you don’t play this game with me now, then i will not be your friend again,and i will ask the other kids not to play with you anymore”. This is definitely manipulative, and the controlling child needs to be taught how to allow others be especially in a group. Most importantly, parents need to make sure their children are taught how to respond to such controlling children, but emphasising their position and sticking to it. Not giving in to the subtle bully.
Back to adults world; manipulation comes in varying proportions. Some are subtle, while some hide under the guise of leadership. Whatever it is, you have to learn to be assertive. If the best thing you can do for YOU at a time is to decline a request, then you better do it. The person requesting that favour from you at that point, should be able to accept that NO, if they are well intended and know you are not a perpetual nay sayer.
If you do not learn to say No, you may never have the opportunity to say YES. Just like in dating, you cannot say yes to every suitor, otherwise, when the perfect person comes for you, you may be busy enduring some cheap and purposeless date.
When you learn to say NO, you build up your time management ability. You become more accountable to yourself. and invariably, you do more for yourself.
Assertiveness is a stress buster. You increase negative stressors in your life when you say YES to everyone, every time. And invariably, when you are stressed, you effectiveness will dwindle, in the workplace and in your private life. The people in your private circle like spouses, kids, siblings and parents will be the immediate recipients of your unbalanced, overcrowded life. You cannot be the one making it work everywhere and every time, do not be deceived into imagining you are some superhero!
No one is indispensable. That career that you are giving the whole of you to, including your lunch break, holiday, weekends! Is it worth it? Life has never stopped because someone stopped to be. Therefore, be polite, honest, and firm in your assertiveness this year, this will help you attain your goals optimally.
Jesus is our perfect example, we see him take time to rest, to be alone, to be with those closest to him. He was not everywhere doing everything, otherwise He would not have had time to groom His disciples, or to die for you and I. Even when He was called upon to come to His dying friend Lazarus, He did not go there immediately. Assertiveness is a powerful life skill, and it shows you respect yourself and others.
